Life is not always going the way we expect it to. Sometimes things can go wrong, mistakes happen, words said, decisions made and in one moment everything is different from the way it was before. Life is unpredictable and we can't change that fact... Well going through divorce can be very difficult, no matter the reason for it. It can turn your world upside down and make it hard to get through the day, stay productive and happy, trust people and again believe to their words. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult adjustment. I made my own list which brought me back to happy life and today I would like to share it with you.
1. DIVORCE IS NORMAL
One of the first things you need to understand is that it's normal to be divorced. It's not good, but it's normal. There are so many couples who divorce all over the world and if you don't believe me just check the statistics. If you don't have healthy relationship, if your man doesn't make you happy, if you can't be yourself with him and he behaves bad to you - don't be afraid to make a step. Of course you need to speak first, try to stay together and settle problems. It can take years of trying and maybe you will succeed (like in a good movie), but maybe No... For example, your partner can try to convince you that relationship between you two is good and other families are living exactly the same and even worse. Don't believe it - it's not true. If you don't feel it right - it's not. Your heart will always tell you, so listen to it.
2. DIVORCE IS HARD BUT IT WORTH IT
There are so many difficulties concerning divorce. Feelings and inner experience, endless paperwork and big spending, opinion of others and disappointment in marriage in general. It is a difficult journey, but it will bring you a lot of happiness in the end. For example, nowadays I believe that decision to divorce was the best thing I did in my life. I feel so good now that I'm thankful to the God who gave me the strength and power to do it and find myself back. Be myself, love myself and being loved the way I am.
3. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Divorce after four years of marriage changed my mind so much. I've learnt so many things which I take as the biggest lessons of my life. Trust me, people never change... If he doesn't bring you flowers then he never will, if he insults and beats then he always will, if he speaks bad about your family then he always will, if he doesn't respect his mother and father then he never will, if he always blames you then he always will. Just remeber for all your life and forever - he will not change and you will not change him. But wait a second, after you divorce both of you will be different. It's hard to explain but you will feel it with every cell in your body. And it's good, because here comes experience which will help you so much in future relationships.
4. YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW A MAN UNTIL YOU DIVORCE HIM
Yes, your partner will become completely different person and the big fight will start straight after you both will understand that you are really divorcing... You will share things, people, friends, places and so many more. You will listen things you have never heard before from him. Speaking about me, I was shocked so much like I was speaking to the person I've never met before - angry, offended and full of hate. So be ready and take it easy. Soon you will have nothing to share and it will be such a big relief.
5. THINK WHAT YOU WILL SAY TO PEOPLE
The most famous question I've got after divorce is "Why?". People will ask you that all the time and you need to know what to answer. You weren't good for each other? You were unhappy together? You were fighting a lot? You need to know what "You Were". First of all it will help you to feel better. Second, you will not be afraid of this scrupulous theme anymore. Third, it will help you to understand what is so important for you in relationships and don't make the same mistakes next time.
6. TRUST PEOPLE BUT BE SELECTIVE
Let's say you are Ok now and previous relationships are not interesting for you anymore. You don't look back and understand that there are other people in the world. The same as you are searching for the love of your life, somebody is searching for you. Just think about it! It's so amazing, isn't it?
Don't be afraid to make new friends and try to trust people again. It will take some time but little by little you will become more and more sociable, so one day you will meet a man. Of course you can use your previous experience but make sure to trust Him and be open. It helps so much to built honest and warm relationship where your partner will feel you, understand you, appreciate you and love you.
7. EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT
There are no same relationships and there are no same men. They are just extremely different... When I've met my new man, my world turned upside down. I'm still impressed by how gentle can one partner behave to another, how simple and light can be relationship, how nice it is to be together and to feel and support each other. For years I was thinking that I will never experience it again. I even started to believe that it doesn't exist at all, but my heart was telling me deep inside that I deserve better. And I do. Nowadays I found it and there are no words to express how happy it makes me.